Thank you for your message and your interesting point! Honest. So not only did I fall in love with someone while married I also had a baby with him. As a team of dedicated love and relationship experts, we are here to guide you from A to Z and answer all of your questions. This way your SO will see that hes on your mind as your go-to, and you can maintain a friendship with your ex-husband. If you choose to leave a marriage, it should primarily be because you have decided to set out on a new path towards well-being (not another person). But is it my fault then? Well he has been messaging me a lot and talking about the past and he has mentioned he is getting a divorce and that Ive always been the one who got away. Married But In Love With Someone Else? I cant enjoy my newborn because hes all over him and questioning everything I say and do and getting offended if I want to bathe him or change him. After 23yrs apart hes now been in touch telling how he has been looking for me all these years and why i did not tell him if the pregnancy. You are still married to your spouse, but somebody is coming to your life that has sparked very intense feelings of love. Be careful with how much you allow, because you are in essense teaching someone how they can treat you. When it comes to the short-term, you are focused on what makes you feel good right now. I cant stop loving this man. Im torn too because everything would affect our daughter and our families. So the decision will be considering for children life only and the best for them financially. As I explained, it is very easy to let the flame sizzle out by not maintaining the love between you. We never broke. Good evening my name is adeleke adebayo from Nigeria I lost my marriage because my wife is chitin on me she is bringing man to my house wen am not around one day I come back home on expect and cot. I dont want to lose my children but my spouse always argues with me in front of the kids. If you're committed to making your marriage work, keeps asking, What is it going to take to be this fully expressed and alive me IN my marriage?. I went to a therapist because my affair and guilt got me depressed. You are the only one who can make the right decision for yourself, but please dont hesitate to reach out if you would like some exercises in clarifying what your heart truly wants. So as I said, the key to making the right decision is weighing out the long-term consequences. There are many details to every story and it would be our pleasure to help you find the path that makes you happiest in the longrun. Its very important to ask yourself the tough questions to figure out if you WANT to make your marriage work or if you just feel obligated to do so. I want my husband and an affair. This means that it needs to be nurtured in order to be kept alive. I know nothing about this woman..not her name how she looks..nothingand there is no way I would ever have any sort of relationship with her because she knew he was married and still pursued him and broke my family apart. The two main problems I have with my marriage is communicating and sex. Very torn. So the very first thing that I invite you to do that will help you determine what is best for you, is to focus on the long-term results and consequences of any decision that you make right now. between these two men would be to analyze your marriage and ask yourself what the I am so torn, as I love both my ex and my husband, but I dont know what to do. Yes, I do my duty as a wife, how painful though especially when I see the same hurts he does just by being himself, surfacing daily. So let me be very clear about something. The way I always felt about my kids mother has always been there and I always told myself that If I could be with her again I would. thoughts??? He said that he he kisses my picture every night before going to bed all these years. If you have fallen for someone else it means that your marriage is on rocky ground and you need to take a good look at this situation. You might be wondering, Can you ever stop loving someone, but youre not going to be able to work this out if youre not 100% invested in saving your marriage and focusing on your spouse. (i.e. I want to fight to save it but all I feel too is trapped. He went on military operations outside my country and unfortunately I was raped and became pregnant. The complexities of love can feel very paralyzing, especially when multiple people are involved, so I understand that you feel like you dont know which direction to take. I felt excited about Chris but not about my husband, and thats when I realized that something was wrong. And one can say i tried. Plus we have a lot of the same interests. You have really good advice. Today as I went home, even if I'm with my friends, I feel so alone. They went to school together in Africa and she initiated contact with him. And so we did. A long time ago, he made a mistake that hurt you deeply. Almost never do two people fall in love on the same day, and almost never do they fall out of love on the same day. I have become so numb to the situation that sometimes I do believe the things he says. In order to become a good listener, you have to really care about what your partner is saying. Your relationship was rocked by infidelity, but you put in the work to, Is your man dragging his feet when it comes to popping the question? He told me how my disappearance has affected him in his life and relationships even his marriage. What would happen to your children? My issue is this: I love my husband, Im not ready to give up his friend ship, or him as a person just as a lover. Otherwise, we are more than happy to help you via one on one coaching. I love this man so much with all my soul. So I often dont say anything. How did this happen? My husband and I only dated in a long distance relationship. I feel things that I never thought I could feel again. When you got married, you probably thought you were in it for the long term and that your love for your spouse would last forever. The thing to keep in mind is that a marriage will only work if you truly want it to, are willing (and happy) to put in the time and effort it takes to help it reach its full potential, and if youre ready to fully invest. How will this affect me in the future? How will this affect the life of my spouse in the future? How will this affect the life of the person Im having an affair with in the future? How will this affect the lives of the people that matter to me in my life, like my children? Going through the same dilemma . My husband is an amazing man, amazing father, but we have different needs and wants. You are not maintaining romantic relationships with both people, and your SO should understand this. Yet our relationship lacks the butterflies-in-our-stomach-feelings, you usually have, when you fall in love. He spends more time on his phone and computer than with us. This man sounds great, and he will understand that you will need some time on your own. Hello.This article was extremely motivating, particularly because I was searching for thoughts on this topic last Wednesday. He has never loved any woman in his heart apart from me. Because it is a complex situation, I recommend reaching out to us for one on one coaching. We got back to a really nice comfortable place but he doesnt seem to want to put in the effort. And this one really helped. Still, the posts are very short for starters. His timing sure sucks and he did say that whatever I decide, he would be fine with. My husband works out of town and I found out he had been having an affair. And can I forgive her? You can help this process by setting some boundaries with the other man or woman. I really love my friend and it was only him I loved since time!!! He needed up going to Florida as well to his parents house with the kids. real relationship with two people at the same time. Of course, the first thing you should do is determine whether this other person is worth leaving your current relationship. While being away it was about the 7th month. I never thought that it could be threatened by anything until I met Chris. Which makes this all the more difficult. Hi Matt, thanks for reaching out. I love my husband dearly and have fought to keep my marriage for 9 years. I both want it and dont want it. I cry more often I am completely depressed. On one hand, you have the history and the relationship that youve poured your time and energy into with your husband or wife, and on the other hand, do you have this new person making you feel alive again. Sorry, but I am giving up. One of my most recent coaching sessions inspired me to write this article for you today. Of course, this makes it very hard to make a decision especially when we are focusing on the now. One day a guy I knew from HS messaged me about current events and made the comment my husband and I looked happy and he was happy for us, that Chad was a lucky man. So even when things are rough and youre in a sticky situation because youremarried but in love with another manor woman, if you really want to repair things between you and your spouse youve got to control your temper. She explained that every single one of us always knows the answer already. I didnt realize that my marriage had become predictable and monotonous until Chris started to surprise me and make me feel things that I hadnt felt in a really long time. The result is that the more exhausted you become, the harder it is to see things clearly. I dont want to hurt my husband and children who are innocent of my teenage love. I feel obligated to try to make my marriage work, but there doesnt seem to be any desire. All we became was best friends sleeping under the same roof, not even sharing a bed. Weve probably been close for about 4 years. My therapist suggested couples therapy but he doesnt want that. Its not that he is a bad person, he is very kind, tries to make me happy in his own way, we laugh a lot because we have the same humour. Because this is something that I come across from time to time in my one-on-one coaching sessions with the people I work with, I wanted to take the time to write an article for you on what to do when you are married, but in love with someone else! Im also very bad at explaining the problems I experience. Im married with kids and recently I have been communicating with my ex boyfriend whom I cheated on with my husband. This period is temporary! She sais she loves me, but she cant decide what to do, because the love for him is also strong or so she thinks. We shared our feelings of late a year ago what we have been feeling and missing for more than a decade now. In many cases, people have already checked out of their marriages and if this is you, it is very important that you recognize this. What I can do, however, is provide you with some pointers on how to ask yourself honest questions that will allow you to get more clarity in terms of what you truly want to do. She has a strong bond and relationship with my mom where as my wife doesnt but my mom likes her though. Hi Candice, thanks for your message! Our relationship started fifteen years ago with a friendship and after we lost contact for a few years we met again and started a loose romance from which she got pregnant with our first child. Married, But Constantly Thinking About Someone Else There are four options if you find yourself thinking of someone else and are debating about or have already had an affair: End the affair with that other woman or man, and fix things with your marriage Stay in your marriage while continuing a relationship with that someone I think even if he started treated me right, Id still want my bestie, because it feels like hes the other half of me. After telling people we were separated, a dear friend admitted his feelings for me and he is amazing, I have a lot of love for him but I never had an affair. And then i met this guy, online from another country. This is precisely why it is so important to be honest with yourself and figure out what you truly want, and what you are willing to work for. As if you never wanted to let go. I dont know who I am anymore. Hi, Thank you for this article. Just by being ourselves. root issue(s) is/are, what youre willing to do about it, what your husband is willing to do Id also like to mention that weve created tailor-made products to help yourestore the attractionin your relationship with your spouse should you choose to restore your marriage. He finds reasons to be where you are. I cant cut out the other person because he is the father. We can provide you with powerful tools and techniques alongside a detailed action plan so that you know what approach to use in each specific phase. The thing is, I dont talk to others about the issues I have with him. I have been married for 25 years to my best friend. Only you can make that decision. com for hes a GOD on earth. Now Im left with a decision of leaving my 20 year marriage knowing Im not in love with my husband or trying to sort it out but a bit pessimistic about it working. I know my husband is not ok with this because he found the text messages. Theyre smart and they can sense things. When someone is married but in love with another man or woman, it isn't profound to say that such a predicament can be harmful or even fatal to a marriage.Fo. But everytime i think of losing him, my heart is heavy and i feel like my world will crumble. Hi A, I fell completely in love with a woman I worked with. I have been patiently waiting for my husband while he has had this relationship for 3 months but im at my end. Even called an example for others. All of these elements pile up on top of us and make it feel impossible to make a decision. I am in love with my SO, the affection, intimacy, sex life is amazing! About a year ago, Brian reached out to me saying his marriage was in trouble, and not because his wife, Alexandra, didnt want to be with him, but because he wanted to be with his co-worker, Katie. And last night, my guy told me, he just wants me to be honest with myself and to not let other people treat me as a doormat and put myself first. Youll need some time on your own to heal and get back in touch with yourself, and then if youre meant to enter into a new relationship, it will happen naturally. Some have chosen their lover and have been very happy. Reading your story made me realize men hide their feelings. Though new love is always so tempting. Now, try the right place. This article will provide you with tools for analyzing your feelings and getting a better idea of what you truly want, and then I will explain some tools to help you reach your goal and be truly happy in love. Its like I disappeared, but he still wants me to be with him. Be careful to never belittle the things that your partner is passionate about (even if it might sound silly to you!). Thanks Corrie for the post. We have a strong friendship but our physical relationship is bad. What was hurting me and why and what could we do to fix it. Ny feelings are all over the place right now and even though I know what I really want to do which is be with her I dont want to hurt my wife but at the same time Im tired of living my life for everyone else and I want to do something that I want to do for a change in my life and what I think is best for me. If you determine that hes not going to change and you are not going to be happy, its time to think about exiting the marriage. Wishing you the best! We had our kids at a young age and broke up a year after having them, they are now 20 years old.. Married to someone I despise and am disgusted by and can never be happy around my own children. And, yet, my spouse neglects me. This poem really spelt out my thoughts. Common Reasons for Falling in Love With Someone Else when Married Developing feelings for someone else is more common when you're experiencing problems in your marriage. (It lasted about 3-4 months) Out of fear of what the future would hold, I decided to stay and work on my marriage because its my comfort zone even if it meant the drama. But then again, if she decides to save our marriage, do I know, that she really is happy with her decision? Im in the same boat but only that Im a woman and my story is similar to yours. My husband made me feel undeserved. I know that this is very hard to do because you are focused on what you feel with your lover right now, and it is very powerful indeed. You held me when i was down. It was because of this child (but not only because of him), that we engaged in a serious relationship after all. I have let my husband know that I am willing to work on the marriage he seemed to be on the fence but due to our long distance relationship and him still being encouraged with his other relationship its hard to try and fight for my marriage. You're already in what some refer to as an emotional affair. I have been married for 16 years. Everything would be perfect if one, or both of you, wasn't MARRIED. I am not expecting answers to all that, I was unhappy with my marriage and felt under appreciated for a long time. Menu. I want to move out, file for divorce so that we can be together but I know that doesnt make logical sense. Being aware of this this how you can begin to mend the problems in your relationship. We decided to have a second child and almost two years ago, our daughter was born, we married and moved into a bigger house and out of the city far out, with only fields and forest around us, like we dreamt of, when we were making Plans for our future life together. Hello gow are you doing? Hi NMN, sometimes this sort of thing happens when there is a sense of monotony and predictability in a relationship, and youre craving something that feels fresh. What do I do? My daughter is still living at home with him although hes not her biological dsuvyqe and hes helping us financially, if I have a problem with my vehicle he tells me what I may need to do. Although i dont know if it will help my situation much.
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